Purposeful wandering

Joshua 5:6

The Israelites had moved about in the desert forty years until all the men who were of military age when they left Egypt had died, since they had not obeyed the LORD. For the LORD had sworn to them that they would not see the land that he had solemnly promised their fathers to give us, a land flowing with milk and honey.

Trying to find a church home has been an unusual task, to say the least.  We moved during the holidays, and began visiting churches based on recommendations from friends, and from our own findings.  In the beginning, nothing felt right.  Something was always missing, and we realized, we would have to come to terms with the fact there is no Strong Tower in Lubbock.  It is rare to find a church that excels in their music and in their preaching.  I am finding most are excellent in one or the other, but rarely both.  After a few visits to local churches, we narrowed down the search, hoping to find ourselves regularly visiting one.

Yesterday, we were at the church we decided to explore deeper.  The pastor was talking about faith, what it means, what it entails.  And he went on to say that when we take our requests before the Lord, he will answer, always.  And so the question of where we should go hung in my head, and I found myself enjoying the music, paying attention to the sermon, and thinking we should not be there.  Andy had chosen this place because of a comment I had made concerning how much I enjoyed the preacher, it was a step he took for me.  As we walked out I told him, "First of all, sorry for what is about to come out of my mouth.  But honey, this isn't where we are supposed to be.  It just doesn't feel right."  I started talking about another church that is active in the community, putting their faith in action, and how much I love that, how necessary I think it is.  Enough talking about God and feeding your own members, it's time to get out and serve our community church!  This began a long dialoge, having to be incredibly honest and feeling like I was judging the spirituality of a group of people, and I for one have no place casting a judgement there. 

As we spoke, God impressed on me the name of a close friend, someone who knows me well, whose advice and wisdom I have always sought and appreciated, and whose heart is focused on her Lord.  Last night, I called her.  Although my first statement was, "What is the point of curling?  What is the point and how is it and Olympic sport?" we did get to the topic I had called to discuss.  I started explaining my confusion, my heart's desire, and what Andy and I had talked about.  She simply shared her heart, her own observations, and her understanding of the purpose of the church.  I commented that Andy once said that one of the pastors moved him, inspired him, that his heart was changed upon hearing this man's sermons.  She paused, and giggled a bit, and reminded me of something basic, something I had overlooked when the head of the house is being fed and mentored well, the entire household will benefit.  The answer had been there all along, and we had stepped right past it.  My eyes filled with tears because I knew God was speaking, using my friend as I knew He would, to speak to me, to us, His answer.

Andy and I began discussing this decision.  I laughed that it felt like we had missed it.  Because, months ago, I saw us there.  I felt we would be there.  But Andy brought up a point I had not thought of, sometimes God will put up a blindspot, to keep us moving, keep us seeking, and to keep us learning.  He will always answer, He will always take us where He wants us, but sometimes, it is not via a direct route.  The Israelites wandered in a desert for a very long time.  The purpose?  Growth, change, sifting, but it was for a purpose. 

We have come back around to the place where the music may not, in our minds, be as great as some other places.  But, I noticed on their website they are looking for people for their music ministry.  Let me remind you, my husband is a gifted keyboard player, writer, singer.  As I read that announcement, a comment from a friend from our former church was brought to mind.  She came up one day and said, "You know, we have very talented musicians in this place, they are so gifted.  But no one has led me into a place of worship like Andy did when he played.  When he is at his keyboard, he is not just playing, he is worshipping God, and I miss having him sitting at the keys."  I chuckled, out loud last night as my eyes passed over the posting and this memory was brought back into my mind.  We have even had the pastor and his family over for dinner, and adore them.  They took the time to join us, which speaks volumes to me as he is the pastor of a church.  He tends to his flock, and does it well. 

Today, Andy and I are still chuckling.  However, we are thankful God had us move around to various places, to search, to wander, to wonder, to seek.  Yes, the answer was there all along, revealed a few months ago even, but there are lessons to be learned in the journey.  But for now, for such a time is this, we know where we are headed and we are both at total peace.  Praise the Lord!

Learning to walk together

Last night, I spent some time chatting instant messaging with a dear friend of mine.  She was telling me about her day and how she had spent time with a friend, but in the midst of their conversation the other person shut down.  Rather than continuing to engage my friend in conversation, the person began texting, skyping, and partaking in an array of forms to no longer be present.  There my friend sat, across from another person, feeling completely alone.  And that experience took us into a Spirit led discussion on relationships and communication.  I am going to try my best to recreate that a bit for you because it was good stuff friends, but you must know I am currently having doubts of my abilities to give you the meat of the message.  Say a prayer and here we go.

It is my belief that technology, though wonderful, has hindered our ability to relate to one another, to sit and converse with another living, breathing soul (and yes, we were chatting via Facebook, trust me, I got the irony).   I think we tend to hide behind the technology because we can walk away from the computer claiming we must go, when in reality we no longer want to engage with the other person.  If the person is not in front of me, they will not see my nonverbal communication, the real message in what I am saying.  In addition, we have lost the ability to focus on just one person, at any given time.  If I am solely focused on you, then I cannot be wrapped up in myself and my thoughts, perspectives, or even the game on the TV.

This led me to the following statement: I wonder what it would be like if we imagined ourselves sitting across from Jesus everytime we were with another person.  Our eyes would not dart around the room, we would not check our phones, our watches, or even care about the conversation happening beside us.  We would be so zeroed in on the one in front of us.  How would that change our relationships?  What if we learned to look into one another's eyes, to truly hear what our friend is saying.  What if we actually delighted in one another?    If we are to be an extension of Christ, isn't that what we are supposed to do?  We are to walk in freedom, allow others to do the same, and delight in one another. 

As we continued our discussion on how we can feel so alone even in the midst of a crowd, the thought began to form, "what if this is God's jealousy for us?  He so desperately longs for us to run to him that he will allow us that disconnect in order to remind us that our hope cannot be found in man, but only in him.  What if this is his way of drawing us to himself?"  Oh friends, I think the earth moved for a moment when we came to that conclusion.  The thought rocked us to the core because God so completely loves us that He allows moments that put an ache in our heart, that render us alone, in order to draw us into his presence.  Wow.  He adores us.  He cherishes us.  He longs for us to know him.

I believe we have forgotten that our validation comes from Christ, should come from him, and him alone. We are so wrapped up in trying to please one another, to appear intelligent, witty, or amusing, that when we sense we are not being accepted we shut down. Jesus knew how to be with people. He was so connected with his father that he allowed people to walk away; he even walked away at times to proceed on, finding others to speak to, to breath life into. He was free enough to listen to another's burdens, to help when he could, and to let the person leave when necessary. Jesus was so deeply rooted in his father that he could be with other people, even those who rejected him, and still treat people well.

And so, our challenge is this: when you find yourself in the presence of another, be there.  I mean really be there.  Pay attention to their eyes, the movements of their hands, their posture, hear their words.  Know that you may not be able to solve their problems, but you can at least acknowledge that they are struggling.  Be ok with not knowing all the answers, with the silent moments, and if they need to get up and walk away, do not be offended, allow them to walk away, and as they do, offer up a prayer for them.  Stop.  Breathe.  Experience life alongside of one another.  Be the extension of Christ.

Worship and Praise Sunday

Let me indulge you in two of the coolest, most incredible guys I have met. Did I mention they are dripping with talent as well? I love Shane and Shane, and I have yet to hear a song by them that I did not completely enjoy. Every one of their songs speaks a cry of my heart, and I find myself nodding in agreement to their words.  So, for your listening pleasure, we have Shane and Shane singing Arise:

Lyrics:

arise

by shane and shane

Arise (arise)

And awaken

He is King (He is King)

He is King

Arise (arise)

My soul Awaken

All flesh is grass

Surely is fading (surely is fading fast)

Oh soon it's all gone

Oh You are the Maker

The life sustainer (life sustainer)

and everything comes

Everything goes

When You give the Word

Have mercy oh Lord

And satisfy (satisfy)

we will all arise

Arise

My soul awaken

That I might sing (I might sing)

And be happy all my days

How long (satisfy) will there be mourning

Return to us (return Lord Jesus)

Return to us

Oh soon it's all gone

and we'll fly away

Oh soon it's gone, it's gone

chorus

Teach me to number my days

At the most 80 years

Who cares about meaningless things

I do and I care about art too and I care about yahoo

Things that are fleeting and

Fading away

Awaken my soul

Awaken my soul

Chorus x2

Click here to participate in Worship and Praise Sunday!

Sometimes I wish they'd say nothing

A talk show host, and self proclaimed prophet, has been making a lot of headlines lately.  This is not the kind of "publicity" believers need.  Truly people, sometimes it is better to say nothing.  Or, let's just stick to the obvious:

1. There was a severe earthquake
2. The people in Haiti are going to need help, a lot of help
3. Many lives have been lost in this earthquake
4. There are various ways we can reach out and help

You know, the basics, the obvious, the facts.  Worse still, is that there are people out there who will lump all Christians into one category and state we all believe an earthquake is God's wrath, that an evil people are now paying for their sins, and so on and so forth.

Last time I checked, Jesus was nailed to a cross to pay the penalty for sin, all sin, mine, yours, televangelist dude's, Haitians, everyone's sin.  I recall this in Romans 5:6-8, "You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." In all the studying I have done, classes I have attended, I cannot believe the us, used in this or any other verse, refers to solely Americans.  It's for mankind.  Period.

Forgiveness does not happen solely for the white man living the American dream my friend, it is for the lost, the least, the widow, the orphan, those with plenty, and those with nothing.  Yes, I believe it is in Galtians 3:28-29 where it says, "There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.  If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise."

There are many times I wish believers would just be silent, especially those with misinformation.  My final thought is this: If Haiti's suffering is due to sin, then we will suffer complete and total loss when God pours out His wrath on America.  There will come a day that we will stand before the throne of grace and give account for what has been said.  In fact, Matthew 12:36-38 states, "But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned." 

Christian family, sometimes the best thing to do has nothing to do with words, in fact, it is sometimes best when we say nothing, but rather go, and serve, help rebuild, bring food, supplies, clothing, and wrap our arms around those who are hurting.  Yes, there are times it would be best if God's people would simply act.

Mercy Me, we need to talk*

Today was just a dandy old day.  My girl went off to her school, happy as could be.  I headed to the gym to attempt to torture myself (I succeeded), then came home, cleaned up, and went off on a lunch date with the hubby.  Despite the cold weather, it has been a good day.  Then, my husband had to ask one little question at dinner tonight.  The question?  "Was today the day Camden went to Heaven, or was today his birthday?" 

In an instant, the events of this day, six years ago came flooding back.  The call from my mom, the weeping, the intensity of prayers, the cries when God didn't answer as I hoped, the fears, the pain of being far away, the sorrow that invaded every inch of my being.  In one instant, my eyes filled with tears as I thought back to that day.  Maybe it is because we are here now, where I thought we should have been then.  In my head, had we lived here, closer, the script would have been different.  But we were in another state, a few plane rides away, and completely unable to help, to ease the burden, to lessen the blow.

And even when we arrived, and in the time after, I realize more and more how I added to the burden.  I cannot change that fact, but I can change how I respond in the future.  I know better how to walk alongside someone in their darkest hour, and I know that I will not be able to take away all the pain, that there will be no easy fix. 

Six years later, the ache in my heart is just as strong, the questions are still asked.  The hurt remains, but so does the hope of Heaven.  Six years later, my life is still being changed because of the life of my nephew.

**For one of the greatest messages I have ever heard on walking through grief, or hardship of any kind, and how to walk alongside someone in it, please click here, click on "sermons" on the left hand side of the page, then click on the message entitled "Getting off the end of your rope," from 12/6/09.

*I'll elaborate more later as to what this song is doing in my life right now, but I am going to need to ask Mercy Me to stop recording such songs, songs that make me think, convict me, and cause me to grow so much....

Say it..or don't

Proverbs 21:23:

He who guards his mouth and his tongue, Guards his soul from troubles.

I have come to the realization, as of late, that I no longer know when to speak and when not to.  You see, in days past, I passionately walked forth spouting my thoughts, ideas, arguments, whatever I saw was "needed" in the present moment.  Although I never intended harm, I am rather sure that the words that flowed from my mouth were not always encouraging, not always right, and not always spoken in love.  Over the years, I have tried to speak truth, as I saw it anyway, but smooth the edges as I did so.  Sometimes my efforts have worked, sometimes they have not.  I know this. 

When diving deep into conversations with those close to me, I know the boundaries, most of the time.  I know what I am able to freely say and know when to keep thoughts to myself.  I know because I am confident the person I am speaking to is keenly aware of my desire to see their life prosper.  But these are the honest moments most vulnerable and most open to cause hurt. 

There are times however I am stuck in the middle ground of whether to speak or not.  There are conversations that are needed, but I know they will not be easy.  Do I go forward with these or stay put?  Do I try to engage in these verbal exchanges, or do I wait for the moment to arise on its own? 

Why the trouble with this?  Because I am dealing with people I care deeply about.  I want to see them obtain EVERYTHING God has for them, not just parts of it.  I want to see them flourish and grow and mature into who God is calling them to.  And it can be hard to encourage and not nag, hold accountable without accusing, and speak without degrading.  Though the negative is never the intent, I cannot control how things I say are interpreted.  All I control is whether to speak, or not.

This is where the new year has begun, at a place that is wide open with opportunity for growth, for strengthening, encouraging, and change.  And I find myself praying for the discernment I need in order to move forward.

1 Corinthians 13

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

And they all fall down

Zechariah 13:2 "It will come about in that day," declares the LORD of hosts, "that I will  cut off the names of the idols from the land, and they will no longer be remembered; and I will also remove the prophets and theunclean spirit from the land.

This morning at the gym, as I was huffing and puffing running on the treadmill, I noticed yet one more news station discussing a golfer's recent extramarital affair(s).  I do not know what the broadcast was saying, but I got to thinking about all of the "heroes"  idols our society is so enamored by.  There are pop stars, rock stars, movie stars, and sports stars.  Each with their own gift, and each held in higher regard than they should be.  We are a society engrossed with idols.  As my brain recounted much of the last year's "big news," the thought crossed my mind, "Is it any wonder these kinks in the armor of these people are being revealed?  God is a jealous God, a God who said NOTHING is to come before Him:
Deuteronomy 5:8: You shall not make for yourself an idol, or any likeness of what is in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the water under the earth). 
Of course the darkness will be brought to light!" 

At some point, we must realize these people, are in fact, merely people.  They have no supernatural strength, no super anything except fame.  And that is not to be admired either.  They pay a high price for that fame, sometimes it seems they are paying a heart and soul at a time for it.  They can have it, I do not want it, not any part of it. 

I would rather my kid look up to a teacher, the person who cleans the school, a policeman, a fireman, or a military person.  Let her look around and find family members to be her heroes, to be the ones she most admires.  Let her seek acceptance in her Creator before man, and may she live her life to please Him above all else. 

And if she chooses to be fond of a professional athlete, I pray she chooses ones like Phil and Paul, and others who know their ability is worth little apart from their relationship with Christ.  May she find the graceful humility of a pastor to be an attribute worth attaining. 

It does not surprise me, in the least, to see such an upheavel occuring in our country.  God will not be mocked, cannot be destroyed, and desires to bring his children to himself.  Are you listening?
 
Corinthians 10:14
Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.

WFW - Psalm 27:13

WFW - Psalm 27:13
Originally uploaded by chelled.

Psalm 27:13:
I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD -- In the land of the living.

This verse is so indicative of the last few months. As we were selling our house and waiting on God to bring us a buyer, we were challenged, in many ways. There were moments doubt began to creep in, fear began walking to our door, and frustration shouted. Did we believe God would move us? Yes. Did we believe it was the right decision? Yes. Did we know how and when it would happen? Absolutely not. Yet, we prayed, we believed that God would answer the desire of our hearts.

For the vast majority of the time our house was on the market, I met with a friend to pray. We agreed that if we were going to get together, we would be bold in our prayers, we would ask what others thought was impossible, and more importantly, we would ask God to show himself off. There were few Fridays we did not get together, and if we failed to meet, we called or emailed our prayers. Those weekly prayer times with my friend were so much more than just praying to move. In those moments, God showed off the beauty of our friendship as well as the importance of accountability and community.

We told people we were selling our house in hopes of moving, and more often than not we heard, "In this market, it's not easy to sell a house. It could be a while." Although I understood why they responded as they did, the notion of "don't get your hopes up because it may not happen sweetie," it also bothered me. What happened to walking in boldness? Where was the believing God could and would do this very thing? We found ourselves battling negativity more from fellow believers than anywhere else, but that's ok. We asked God to show himself off, to bring himself glory, and He did. And to those who truly believed there was no way, I pray their belief has increased.

Do I believe God always answers the way we see fit? Of course not. I believe God answers according to His will and purposes. It is in the knowing He answers that I have hope. If I did not know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the Lord's goodness would be shown, I would have despaired (and would remain so). We have come to a place in our lives that we want God more than anything else. We have grown to want His will for our lives more than our own, and it is a glorious place to be. We have come so far, yet have so far still to go. But my God? He is good friends, very good indeed.

Matt Chandler, pastor of The Village Church would agree that God is enough, that He is amazing, and that desiring His will is far greater than desiring our own.  Matt just underwent surgery for a mass on his frontal lobe.  Go here to watch a message he recorded prior to going into surgery.  It will challenge you, it will delight you, it will glorify our Father.

Be blessed today, and for more, wonderful Word Filled Wednesday posts visit Lori.

Let the children come - WFW

Matthew 19:14:

But Jesus said, "Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

Monday night, we found out our house was, once again, second choice for some people.  My frustrations, and disappointment rose as I had to call Andy to tell him, and then tell my parents.  I was preparing to give my daughter a bath, and found myself stopping to just watch her.  She was running from room to room (as much as a 17 month old can run anyway) laughing and smiling.  She was, by all accounts, oblivious to the fact our move to Texas is now delayed further.  What she knew was she was surrounded by people who loved her, she had a multitude of toys to play with, food to eat, and a warm place to sleep.  She had all that she needed, and she was rejoicing in that.

As I reflected back on that moment, I read an email from a friend that said, "On my way to class this morning, there was an absolutely glorious sunrise amongst the artistically scattered clouds, and as I was praying for you, God spoke to my heart. He is infinite, He is all-knowing, He is beautiful, He is perfect. It must seem difficult to hold onto this right know (and I know you know all this), but He does have a perfect plan already in place (although sometimes it's hard to believe that it can be any more perfect than OUR plans! ). Right now, I'm praying that God will comfort you and give you peace regarding His timing, and that your patient and faithful waiting will increase your faith and will be rewarded in spades."  As I read her email, her prayer for me, for my family, peace settled in my heart.  No, our circumstances are not happening as we would like them to.  We are still waiting.  But, we have everything we need, and more.  God alone is enough, should be enough, more than enough.  However, He has seen fit to bless us with family and friends, a house, food on the table, clothing, and so many other extras.  And then, there is our daughter, who every single day teaches me more and more about God and faith. 

In spite of everything, it is well with my soul, it truly is.

Be blessed today, and for more, wonderful Word Filled Wednesday posts visit Christy.

Are you famous? and coming in 2nd

I briefly mentioned in a post the other day that I was asked if I am someone famous.  Here's the rest of the story: For those of you who blog, you know that it sort of shrinks the world, and introduces us to people we may or may not "meet" otherwise.  These online journals are a great way to express oneself, and to learn about others, even if we have never sat with them face to face.  As I was browsing through churches to visit here in west Texas, one that may be the place for my family and I when we move, I came across the blog a pastor of one of the churches keeps.  Of course, I immediately headed over and started reading.  I also commented.  He, kindly, visited this blog and left a comment. 

Prior to church starting Sunday morning, I sat on a bench in the foyer.  The blog writing pastor came over and introduced himself.  I gave him my name, and added, "the one from the blog."  He responded by saying, "Yes, I thought I recognized you from your picture."  I just laughed because sometimes I forget others may read this blog.  But anyway...

The santuary doors opened, and off I went to sit down.  I watched people enter as one man approached me and asked, "Are you someone famous or something?  I heard pastor say he recognized you from a picture."  I laughed, out loud.  I had to control my laughter so as to not fall onto the floor rolling in fact.  I told him no, I was not famous, not even a little bit.  I simply kept a blog that the pastor had read.  With a look of disappointment, he said oh then politely introduced himself.  I almost felt bad to have let him down so completely, but I couldn't lie...I was in a church!  When I finally stopped laughing, all I could think was, "well, that will certainly be a good story for the blog." 

In other news, our house came in 2nd, again.  Now, if you have been reading this for any amount of time, you know that my competitive spirit can be quite strong.  I do not like to be outworked on the D1 field, I do not like losing a game of volleyball, I do not even enjoy losing a game of Yahtzee.  This is the second time our house has become the second choice.  And, guess what?  I.don't.like.it!  We were told that if something happens with the first option, they will go with ours.  We were praying this would be the end, that this might lead to the offer and buyers we have been wanting.  But so far, no such luck.  Since I am currently in Texas with the family, I had to call my husband to let him know, then look my parents in the eye and tell them.  (and disappointment fell upon the land...)  Back to square one, more praying, and more rising and falling of frustrations. 

As I was talking to hubby, I told him I had an idea, to read the 27th chapter and 42nd verse in the Bible (because our house number in TN), not sure what book though.  Well, with those stipulations, it narrowed down the options quite a bit.  The first?  Jacob has to flee because Esau wants to kill him.  Another?  Guards are trying to kill the folks in prison.  Still another?  Jesus is being mocked.  Hmmmm, not quite the encouraging word I was looking for as virtually every verse had someone wanting to kill someone else.  So, Andy decided that we should be using the address of the house I liked here.  We went with it.  This too led to much laughter, like, when we read how God was less than thrilled with his creation of man.  We finally landed on Matthew 6:6, "But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you."  This left Andy saying, "Ok, so we just keep praying then."  Yep, that's what we do, we just keep praying.

**I got the following in an email from a friend, and, it was perfect.  Funny how things from God are like that.  On my way to class this morning, there was an absolutely glorious sunrise amongst the artistically scattered clouds, and as I was praying for you, God spoke to my heart. He is infinite, He is all-knowing, He is beautiful, He is perfect. It must seem difficult to hold onto this right know (and I know you know all this), but He does have a perfect plan already in place (although sometimes it's hard to believe that it can be any more perfect than OUR plans! ). Right now, I'm praying that God will comfort you and give you peace regarding His timing, and that your patient and faithful waiting will increase your faith and will be rewarded in spades.

Bittersweet Field of Dreams

Bittersweet.  That would be the word to best describe yesterday afternoon.  In the small west Texas town my sister and brother in law used to live, we attended a dedication of a t-ball field.  Why?  It was built in memory of my nephew.  I had an idea what the event would be like, but I can honestly say, the reality of it was much more beautiful, much more humbling.  They have named the field "Field of Dreams," which is on the scoreboard, and it says that it's in memory of my sweet nephew. 

My sister asked me to take pictures, a request I happily agreed to.  Looking through the lens of my camera, as well as ensuring my child did not get out of line, were both welcome distractions when my emotions began to rise.  The love and respect that filled that place for my family was absolutely incredible.  The way the community continues to rally around them, to cheer for them, is inspiring. 

At the close of the dedication, my brother in law threw out the first pitch, and a friend's son was there to catch.  Then, this young boy, who was born three days after my nephew, took aim at the ball as it was propped on a t-ball stand, swung, and ran the bases.  In my mind's eye it was Camden headed to first with fierce determination, it was him taking second and heading to third with a grin spread across his face, and it was Camden crossing home plate triumphantly. 

In these bittersweet moments, I often find myself reflecting on the beauty in life.  Even in the heartbreak, there is beauty, there is sweetness, and tenderness.  We have the opportunity to daily go through life with joy, with purpose, with the knowledge that we are here but only for a time.  Yet, I see many of us fretting over things we do not control, worrying about moments that we cannot orchestrate, and failing to live out the faith we claim to hold onto.  In these moments, I watch my sister and brother in law as they continue to walk this journey with grace and a faith that could move mountains.  In these moments, I am humbled and driven to my knees for what God has done, and is continuing to do.

I miss my nephew, terribly, but as I looked out across the field yesterday and looked into the faces of friends who had shown up, all I could do was pray that my life has half the impact on this world as Camden's did.

Think before you speak girl!

I love my ATI class, completely and totally adore it.  Our women's director is one of the most gifted teachers I have ever had the opportunity to listen to, and the women who attend are all complete dolls.  It is, by far, the highlight of my week. 

Last week, we were discussing Christology (yes, the study of Christ).  My brain was having a hard time focusing, but still, I was soaking it all up.  At one point, wait, let me back up.  I'm a visual person.  When people are telling me stories, I tend to play the story in my head.  There are times that this has caused me to explode with laughter due to the images my mind creates, and at others contort my face into disgust.  This fact is important, vitally important, to my story here.  Back to ATI.  Someone stated that Jesus is God cloaked in flesh.  Go ahead, read that again, slowly, then visualize.  The first thing out of my mouth was, "creepy."  Needless to say, the looks and stares I got were questionable and left me to believe the others in the room were appalled by my comment. 

Ok, come on.  we're close to Halloween, and when one is visualizing someone being cloaked in flesh, well, it's not a great image.  On a spiritual level, yes, it's beautiful, amazing, and humbling.  But to a tired mom who hasn't slept through the night in a while, who pictures what is being said, well, the beauty of it took a while to come around.  This has led me to believe that unless directly asked a question, I should refrain from speaking.  Or maybe, refrain from speaking altogether until our girl is sleeping well again.  Whatever the case may be, let's just pray the women in the room don't think I believe Jesus himself to be creepy, which I do not, it is only the semantics at times that get me.

Remain - WFW

Remain - WFW
Originally uploaded by chelled.

Philippians 1:23-24:
But I am hard-pressed from both directions, having the desire to depart and be with Christ, for that is very much better; yet to remain on in the flesh is more necessary for your sake.

There is no real reason I chose this verse, other than the fact I typed in a search using the word "direction" and this one popped up. Profound, I know.

Paul is writing this letter, having been imprisoned, and hoping his fellow believers are growing in their faith. Prior to this passage, Paul states, "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." He knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that his hope is in Christ. He knows that eternity awaits him, and that excites him. But, his love for other believers, watching them grow in their faith, also excites him. He sees the eternal value of an earthly life, and finds it to be good.

Somehow this got me to thinking about the fact we have not sold our house yet and have therefore not moved. I become irritated, very irritated with this fact. For whatever reason, God still has us here. I believe EVERY moment in this life is for a purpose. There is nothing that happens that does not have some kind of meaning. One moment affects another and so on and so on. Everything is significant, in the eyes of eternity.

I however seem to go blind to that fact. I complain and whine and thrash about. I, unlike Paul, fail to see that my current status may not even be about me, but about someone else and what He might teach them through me. I am focused on my discomfort, on not being where I think that I should be, rather than where I am. And I am here, waiting for God to move us, but here, and it is not without purpose.

Be blessed today, and for more, wonderful Word Filled Wednesday posts visit http://pennyraine.com/blog/.

Sometimes, life smacks you in the face a bit

Last week, someone we know was picked up by the police.  The charges?  Child pornography.  They believe he may have even abused some children.  The thought of that makes my stomach turn and my heart ache.  Being a mother, it also stirs up a rage in me that I was not fully aware I possessed.  And the knowledge of this act, an act that is not new in this world, unfortunately, but breaks my heart to its very core, is painful.  I.know.the.perpetrator. 

I go back and forth over my rage that these things happen and brokenness for someone who is so clearly torn in sin.  I'm reminded of Romans 3:10 which reads, "as it is written, there is none righteous, not even one."  I'm reminded that any and all sin in my life is not deemed as "less than" by my heavenly Father.  There is no sin that outweighs another.  No one sin gives God pause and causes him to say, "well, ok, that one I can't forgive."  Sin is sin is sin, regardless of how society may let it pass or cringe at it. 

Colossians 1:13-14 states, "For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."  Notice, there are no stipulations here, no "if - then" statements tacked on.  Jesus died for sin, all sin, not just what Christians dub the "lesser" ones.  And I read Ephesians 1:7 which says, "In Him we have  redemption  through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace."  Again, I see no rules here.  Forgiveness for trespasses, each and every one, is forgiven and the sinner, regardless of the act, redeemed.

As this story unfolds, my heart aches for his parents, his siblings, those in his inner circle.  They are the ones who will receive the stares, will hear the whispers, and they do not deserve it.  It is my assumption that had they known these events were taking place, they would have intervened.  Instead, God put an end to it in the form of an arrest.  I pray for the victims, for the children who innocently trusted and will bare these scars for a lifetime.  I pray for their healing, for them to walk through this and into victory on the other side of it.  I pray they are protected in their future, that they are spared other circumstances many who have been abused seem to face. 

I pray I would not view this as a sin that is beyond the reach of God's forgiveness and mercy.  I pray I see my own sin to be just as hideous, just as painful to the heart of my heavenly Father.  I pray, as a mother, to protect my own child from these things.  Right now, in the midst of this, it seems all I can do is to lay down the stone in my hand and pray.

Greater than me

I love when everything in the house quiets down.  My child is in her crib, has been for an hour and a half and has yet to fall asleep.  Intead, she is serenading her stuffed animals, or having a full blown party, I'm not sure which.  Yet, she's content to be in there, and I'm content to let her stay, while I pray she does drift off to sleep at some point.

Since ATI has started back up, I decided to finish up this week's homework (yes, we have homework....just when I thought that phase of life was over.).  This week's focus is on the attributes of God, and while there were 5 essentials, we were told to pick another 5 (from a list of 23 or so) to choose from and study.  As I went through them, I started jotting down my 5.  The reason I chose them?  I have no real formula, they just sounded like ones I had not studied much.  So, in I dove.

Upon completing my Bible page flipping study, I realized that each one, to some degree, had to do with the fact God is a God of balance, and He knows us.  I read the following verse, and had to stay there a moment:   

1 John 3:19-20:

We will know by this that we are of the truth, and will assure our heart before Him in whatever our heart condemns us; for God is greater than our heart and knows all things.

God is greater than my heart.  Hmmm, I don't think I have ever paid any attention to that fact, much less that verse.  Saturday, I was telling a friend that waiting for our house to sell has been hard, and I have moments of being very frustrated.  I went on to say that I have to remind myself that life could always be worse and I should probably shut my mouth and stop complaining.  My sweet friend responded by saying but even in this, God knows my heart, He knows this is a season that is hard for me, and it does matter to him.  It may not be a tragic circumstance, but it is one that matters, deeply, to God.  And even in my frustrations, God gets it.  I am not condemned for wanting this time of waiting to be over, I am not going to be thrown into the fires of hell for it, He gets it, and He is greater than all of it.  She reminded me that I can stop minimizing the events in my life.  There is no comparison, no one thing greater than another.  It is all significant, it is all purposeful.  That news, that small bit of insight, brings my heart joy, and peace.  I find great joy in the fact God cares about all aspects, not just what we would consider "the biggies" in life.  And, it's even ok to not like some things!
Yes, it's a peaceful day here.  Now, if I could figure out why my daughter isn't sleeping....

God's Workmanship

Ephesians 2:10:
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.

For the love of the scandal

Let's be honest, our society loves a good scandal. Pop star shaves her head, *wham* it is on every magazine cover. Actor goes to rehab, *bam* the story leads the evening news. Yet another "famous" couple divorces due to someone having wandered outside their marriage, and yep, it too is splashed across magazines and news coverage. The fireman who pulled someone out of a building? Eh? Whatever, it is his job. The teacher who influenced a child's life so dramatically that the child, once in poverty, is now leading his own company? Boring. The family who serves in their community simply because they like helping others? Snooze.

There was a great article in our paper about Josiah, and how his family is handling his death. As I was reading the article, for some reason, I scrolled down to the comments section. I thought I would be reading encouraging words to the family. Wrong. Some individuals posted that the "truth" should be revealed so the rest of us can learn from this accident. Their story claims he was running from the cops. Their story would receive a whole lot of media attention, and would definitely reveal a scandal. I can see the headline now, "Pastor's son goes down the wayward road and is killed in tragic accident." Good grief. The truth? He was not trying to outrun cops, but yes, he was speeding. End of story.

I wonder, if this had been a family not so bold in their faith, a family who was short on hope and deep in grief, if those comments would have been left. I wonder if the person, short on their facts as they may have been, would have cared so much if it had not been a pastor's son. Unfortunately, probably not because some "ordinary" man's son involved in a traffic accident just isn't scandalous enough. It makes my stomach turn.

This family, though solidified in their faith and their hope of Heaven, is grieving. The road ahead will be filled with its share of sorrows. So tell me, why do others have to try to add to it? It is sad to me that society cannot take a family walking out their faith without thinking there is something more to the story, something being covered up. All for the love of a scandal. Sorry to break the news to you, but there are, and I know this for a fact, some people in this world who are making right decisions, managing them well, and trusting God for every step. And, even when life doesn't go as planned, they are still able to rejoice.

There is so much good in the worst of us,
And so much bad in the best of us,
That it hardly behooves any of us
To talk about the rest of us.
Edward Wallis Hoch (1849 - 1925), Marion (Kansas) Record

Never tell evil of a man, if you do not know it for certainty, and if you know it for a certainty, then ask yourself, 'Why should I tell it?'
Johann K. Lavater

Tragedy and triumph

For a great article about Josiah's memorial service, as well as a few clips and videos, please click here.

As you read the article, there are some pictures and a video clip on the right hand side of the page. Faith in action, it really is beautiful.

Web - WFW

Web - WFW
Originally uploaded by chelled.

Proverbs 10:19:
When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise.

Spiders are such amazing creatures. Have you ever watched them weave their webs? It is astounding really how detailed and intricately they work, and they do it, silently. They go about their business, designing their webs, and unless you happen to run smack into it, you may never know they are there.

Twice this week, I have heard Proverbs 10:19, and multiple times this week, I was wishing I had paid better attention to Proverbs 10:19 during various Bible reading times throughout my life.

This verse actually makes me think of my husband. He is a man of few(er) words, and when he does speak, it is usually quite purposeful. Don't get me wrong, he can be as silly and goofy as I can, but he is careful with his words. I love that about him, and I'm trying to learn from him. I am thankful I at least have a model in this area of life to look to!

On a side note, Tuesday was Josiah's memorial service. Due to the fact I hadn't scheduled a babysitter for my girl, I opted to watch the service from home. People, I felt like I was in church, not watching a memorial service! Truly, it was a beautiful picture of God's people praising Him for what He has done. The service will be available to watch by going here. Every person should watch it, I guarantee you will be changed! I thank God for him, for his family, for his friends, for the people who were there, for the songs sang, and for the words spoken. It is good friends, oh so good, to be a part of God's family!

Be blessed today, and for more, wonderful Word Filled Wednesday posts visit the 160 acre woods.

Celebration of Life

Today is Josiah Berger's memorial. This afternoon at 4:00 pm, people will gather to celebrate his life on earth, and rejoice in his welcoming into Heaven. So many people are expected, that it will be streamed on the internet. Since there will be no childcare, and it seems they don't want children in the sanctuary (which I fully understand), I will be taking advantage of the online streaming.

Sunday morning, as our pastor was unleased one of the greatest sermons I have ever heard on suffering (yes, I'll be linking it when it is available online), he discussed being with Pastor Steve and his wife as they prayed for healing for their son, Josiah. I am thankful, and proud, to be under the leadership of Pastor Chris Williamson. He, quite honestly, spoke of the moments he could say nothing because there was nothing to say to these parents praying for a miracle. He chose to be there, by their side, and I'm thankful for that. He was there when it was found out that Josiah had signed up to be an organ donor. Thursday, Josiah's parents were crying out to receive a miracle, Friday, they found out they would be giving a miracle instead (that is how Pastor Steve Berger has phrased it). Pastor Chris said Josiah's dad beemed with pride as he said, "Chris, in three hours, my son is going to save other lives."

My heart aches for them. This brings up other memories, and so my head becomes flooded with sorrow and grief. Then my mind remembers that the end of life here is only the beginning of life eternal. There is hope, there is joy, there is another chapter. I remember that Jesus stood up for Stephen, "Look," he said, "I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God" (Acts 7:56). So, I cling to the thought that as Josiah entered Heaven's gates, Jesus stood up and said, "Welcome my son, welcome."

Please continue to pray for the friends and family of Josiah Berger.