Still On This Journey

Yes, I am still here. A weary traveler, but I am still here.  My husband has safely returned from his two week journey to Israel, and we are all adjusting back to the real world, happily reunited but also in need of a few more good nights of sleep in our home.

Last night, we found out we qualified for the next pin level with AdvoCare.  This is a great step in the right direction, so why am I not feeling more celebratory?  I should be excited about what has happened, and what is happening, yet all I feel is the rise of unworthiness.

I realize that the walls that need to be demolished are not gone yet.  This voice that says I am not capable, I am not a good leader, I am not enough, keeps trying to raise its volume.  The battle in my mind continues.  While I sometimes tell myself I should be further along in this journey, there should be more road ahead of me than behind me, the point is that I am still on this journey.  I have not stopped, I have not admitted defeat.  I have not turned around, have not taken a detour.  I am still here.

I am choosing to have another thought.

My belief that the goals I have for this year will be reached are more firmly embedded in my mind and heart.  I know what I must do and I know it will happen, one step at a time.  I believe this year is going to be one of greater value to myself and my family than I realize.  I believe this journey, this story being written will be one I enjoy retelling, the failures, the roadblocks, the doubts, the triumphs.  All of it.  Because even in falling forward, I am closer to the dreams that drive me.