Walls Will Tumble

At the beginning of the year, I knew it would be a year for me to simply believe.  A Bible study was offered at church, and I knew it would be a part of the journey for my year of believing.

We are only two weeks in, and God is proving himself, yet again, faithful and relentless in his pursuit of me.  The moment the study began, God began showing me areas of my life that needed a new landscape.  Walls need to be torn down, lies with deep roots need to be pulled, and truth needs to be firmly planted and tended to. 

It is sometimes painful, seeing the hurt as it truly is.  No noise, no distractions, just a confrontation of the parts of myself I long ago boxed up.  There have been words spoken to me that I could not shrug off; I could not escape from under their weight.  As a young girl, as a girl in middle school, in high school, in college, and even as an adult, seeds of lies have been firmly planted, rooting themselves around my soul, becoming guardians of my heart, allowing little to pass through.

But they will be no more. 

The pages of my journal will be filled this year, detailing this journey, the hurt, the fear and the restoration.  I will be stripped, laid bare before my Savior as he continues to beckon, "come to me, you who are weary and heavy burdened.  Come, find my rest." 

I wish I could say I am tearing through the walls set ablaze with passion, running into his arms.  The truth however, is that the walls will be removed one brick at a time.  If I merely cast them aside, without acknowledging them, without recognizing what brought them, the walls will find a way to be rebuilt and they will be decorated, once again, with the lies.

It is time. 

I feel as Eustace, the boy became a dragon, the essence of what was inside of him, in C.S. Lewis' Voyage Of The Dawn Treader.  This dragon flesh brought about a change within him though, leaving him with skin that no longer matched his heart.  Aslan knows the time has come, Eustace must change his skin, and tells Eustace to undress.  Knowing dragons do not wear clothes, Eustace sees that this undressing will be of the scaley skin trapping him in.  He tears and he pulls, three times he tries, but the skin will not loosen its hold.  Aslan beckons, "Come, I must undress you."  With sharp claws, he begins pulling off the scales, and it hurts and its painful, nearly unbearable.  As the last scale falls, Aslan throws Eustace into the water.  He became a boy again.

There will be moments of pain, there will be moments of fear, there will be moments I will want to resist, but this time there will be no returning to the false safety of the walls and the lies. 

All things new.  I will be made new.