Let's Talk About One Child Homes (AKA: My Rant)

My dear friend Carla, who happens to be an extraordinary mom, pastor's wife, and talented writer, recently wrote a great post entitled, "Five Things Not To Say To Adoptive Parents."  I found myself nodding in agreement, not because we have adopted, but because we have family and friends who have.  While I read through her post, I also began considering our own family and the questions we receive.  It is not that we are so unique, it is simply that we have one child.

The questions we get asked are typically as follows:

• "Don't you think your daughter needs a sibling?" 
• "When are you going to get a brother or sister for her?"
• "Aren't you worried she will grow up to be spoiled?"
• "Why don't you have other children?  Don't you want more?"
• "Don't you think she will be lonely being an only child?"

The list goes on, and on, and on some more.  I have a few statements I would like to say, but I don't.  I bite my tongue and nod and smile, and do my best to remove myself from the conversation.  If my child is with me, I am usually fighting back anger because I do not want her to interpret these questions as meaning she is less than a child with siblings.

Rather than diving into personal details like, "Well, we have tried, but what do you know?  No baby.  Not sure why, but it just hasn't happened," I typically say, "That is all up to God.  If He wants her to be an only child, that is what she will be, if He wants her to have siblings, she will have them."  I have, in past conversations, stated that it did not matter to me one way or another because I really did not want to go through pregnancy and a c-section again and that having to recover from that as I near 40 just did not sound fun.  A comment like that?  It is easier to say than explaining how maybe there is something physically wrong with one of us and having to endure the pity of the other person.

I am left wondering why we believe someone could not be happy in the situation they are in.  What is wrong with having one child?  There are as many talented, caring, giving, selfless only children as there are those from multiple sibling homes.  In fact, I know plenty of children, who have siblings, who are spoiled, obnoxious and undisciplined.  In spite of that, I do not walk up to the parents and state, "Maybe you should not have had more than one child because you clearly can't handle it."

I have been pondering why we, especially women, do not encourage one another more than we question one another.  I have friends with no children, friends with one, friends with six or more.  I have friends who have birthed their children naturally, others who have had c-sections, and some who have adopted.  I find each to be wonderful and beautiful, and walking the script God has for them. 

As my husband and I have discussed this topic, we have come to a place that has us thankful for where we are.  We are so grateful to be the parents of an intelligent, comical, lively, curly haired girl who delights in conversations with anyone and is more often than not smiling and laughing.  We do not feel robbed of anything and find it our responsibility to do our best to help her become the woman God wants her to be.  We want her to walk the journey God has for her, not the one society would write for her.  We want her to praise God for every single person and circumstance in her life, and even for those not in her life.  We want her to trust that God is indeed working all things together for her good, and we teach that best by modeling that on a daily basis.

Yes, I had always believed we would have more than one child.  Maybe we will at some point, I do not know.  What I do know is that I find incredible joy right where we are, in this time, in this place, with our only child.