The final countdown

Only two days left of my teaching career. Well, of my teaching career in public education anyway. How wonderfully strange and exciting. The kids are all acting crazed, anxious to know that they are going to be ok, last year's students are freaking out that they won't be able to come see me when they want, and teachers wishing me well and throwing in that they are a bit jealous. In the midst of getting email addresses so I can stay in contact with some former students, writing cards to say thank-you to some incredible fellow teachers, and packing up the ONE box I am taking with me, it's all coming to a close. Next week begins the new journey, one of faith, adventure, and new beginnings. I have so much to learn as a personal trainer, so many ways in which I will grow as a trainer and simply as a person. What a wonderful, exciting, blessing. And I? I surely do not deserve one ounce of it.

How small the world really is

Last night, I was speaking to Joni, the girl who will be replacing me as I leave teaching. To make a long story short, she is from near Brownfield, where I used to teach and coach. I mentioned my sister and brother in law had lived there. As I told her my sister's name, Joni gasped. She then exclaimed, "When she had her first baby, I was her long term sub while she was on maternity leave." Yes my friends, it's a small world after all. I am more than confident that God has definitely orchestrated this, down to every little detail, even those that have astounded me.

The lack of pitter-pattering little feet

Every week, someone asks when Andy and I are going to have kids. The question is beginning to sound like long, fake, red fingernails scraping down an old dusty chalkboard. So, here it is:
We do not have kids because, clearly, God has not chosen for us to have kids at this juncture of life. The conception of children is not being prevented, yet it is also not being stressed about or fretted over. It just is what it is.

Andy and I had a long discussion about this last night. My basic thought is I'm tired of other people, mainly women, looking at me like I'm some kind of other worldly freak, or subconciously (or conciously, but I will give them the benefit of the doubt) making comments to make me feel less than valuable as a woman. Does God find one woman more beautiful than another based on whether or not she has given birth? I do not think so. We have also spoken in depth about adoption, which unfortunately, is more a question of our budget. And, we cannot afford it right now.

It is like when we were single. We were happy being single, we were able to wander about as we pleased and do whatever God called us to do without worrying about a significant other and the responsibilities therein. As a married couple with no kids, we are able to wander about and do whatever God has called us to do, both as a couple and individually. We are able to pour into the lives of our nieces and nephews and the lives of kids whose parents we are friends with in ways we would not be able to do if we had our own. And quite frankly, I am ok with that.

Who am I to question God's sovereignty or plan for our lives? Who am I to say anything but, "YES!" to whatever it is that our Savior has for us? Who am I to tell God that He, the one who created this whole great big universe, messed up with me or my husband? We simply trust. We trust that God knows what He is doing, that He has a reason for us not having kids at this point. We just simply trust.

Some things I'll miss

Here are a few things I'll miss when I am no longer teaching (in five days):

* picking on my "little brother" Toby...EVERY day
* hanging out with my little friends in the math department
* lunch in the English workroom (the laughter, the dark chocolate, more laughter)
* random 80s music quizzes by the head of our department
* sitting and talking to students, especially when they are asking my advice or we're trying to work through a problem they're having
* students asking me if I approve of the person they want to date
* exchanges with my "son" that typically go like this each Friday:

Andrew: going to the game tonight?
Me: yea, I have a son who plays on the team
Andrew: oh yea? what number?
Me: 80, and he's awesome
Andrew: HUGE SMILE sweeps over his face

* random discussions with students, oh the things they think of
* reading creative writing assignments and seeing what their minds have come up with
* seeing a student pass who didn't think he/she even could

The good news is I will still be able to go to the football games thanks to my work schedule. Praise the Lord! I am so happy about that. In fact, I won't be in to work any day before noon, can I get another amen?!?! Five more days of teaching, how wonderfully strange.

Prayers

Skylar Grace was born to my friends Brandon and Heather this past Sunday. Today, they had to head to Dallas because Skylar was going into seizures. The doctors originally kept her in the hospital due to jaundice, but then she stopped breathing, and the seizures started. Praise the Lord she was in the hospital rather than at home! As of right now, the doctors think Skylar may have some bleeding on the brain that will heal itself. At the minimum, they will be in Dallas for 5 days. Please pray for them, for Skylar's healing, and for Brandon and Heather to be surrounded by God's peace (and that they would get some rest!).

Also, pray for Peggy. She's finished radiation, and is on steroids that are wearing her out. She'll go back in September for another brain scan. She and her husband are so amazing, they are fully trusting in God for this. Pray for them as they walk through cancer again.

Surreal to real

Monday, I turned in my resignation to the school. Today, I told my classes. Looks of horror, terror, and fear swept across the room. "Are they going to bring in some old lady? But you are my only cool teacher! This is the only class I actually like! What if the new teacher is mean?" rang out in the room. As more kids know, and more students from last year find out and look at me with sad puppy dog faces as if to say, "but don't you love us anymore?" it all becomes more real.

I fully enjoy the students I teach, I truly do. They are entertaining and phenomenal, but God has opened a door and it's an opportunity I must take. I hope they understand that. One kid asked, "It's the money isn't it? They just don't pay you enough do they?" I cracked up, and had to tell him that wasn't the case. I am merely following what I believe I am to do. The next step in my journey through life. It's just that simple.

Tomorrow, our principal will finally be back in the building. She's been out all week, most unfortunately. She's meeting with the English department for lunch, which will be interesting as I try to do my best to not cause trouble since I am leaving. I am thankful that our department head has been given the ok to call some people they interviewed this summer. One lady, whom he thought was great, is available, needing and wanting the job. As expected, God is taking care of the little details. It will be strange the first morning I wake up and don't head to the school. I fear I may head that way out of habit however.

I will miss the friends I have made there, the "family" I have become a part of. The school I have been at is a wonderful place filled with wonderful people. It truly is. At the most, I have a week and a half left, how strange to even think that. Something I have talked about for a while is finally happening, and I am ready to buckle up and enjoy the next adventure.

I am free

Talkin about freedom...freedom.... (sorry, had a Nicole C Mullen's song in my head there for a minute). Anyway, I accepted a full time job at Chadwick's gym yesterday. I am so stinking excited! It seems a bit surreal at the moment because it's something I have been wanting, but have just had to wait to unfold. Monday morning, I will be resigning from teaching. It's madness I tell you.

I do not look forward to telling some of the kids. Most will ask, "Will you still come to my games and watch me play?" Of course, my answer will be, "YES!" They will make me cry on the last day I'm there. All the other stuff? That will make me run out, hands raised, with shouts of triumph. Thanks to all of you who have prayed about that for me. God has definitely worked it out, all in his perfect timing (imagine that).

Now, pray I excel at what I do as a trainer. I love working at Athena Health and Day Spa (which I plan on continuing to do), and truly do enjoy working with the clients there. They are fun, entertaining, eccentric, and I like being the one who gets to help them. I am ready to start this new chapter of life.

Last night, after barely being able to sit through dinner thanks to my excitement of the latest developments, Andy and I headed over to the first football game of the season. My school won, hooray. Beyond that, the boys I have taught and currently teach, who played, did an incredible job. I felt like their moma sitting in the stands hollering and getting excited. That would be funny, me their moma, 10 boys, all of different races. That is fantastic! Anyway, it was a great way to spend a Friday night, despite the heat.

Off to enjoy my Saturday now. I would like to be sleeping, but woke up at 6 thinking about the fact I am almost done teaching and couldn't fall back to sleep. That's ok, I will definitely partake in a power nap later! YIPPEE!

Prayer Request

Peggy got breast cancer.
Peggy beat breast cancer.
Peggy had a detached retina.
Peggy found out she has brain cancer thanks to the detached retina.
Peggy has a scan on Tuesday to find out a course of action.
Peggy needs prayer.
Please pray for Peggy (and her family too).

Yes, the same Peggy many of you prayed for last fall and this spring, is now facing the same battle in a different location of her body. Peggy told me, "whatever God wants," while I was thinking, "leave her alone!" Oh to have faith that can move mountains. I love her, and her husband Stu, tremendously. Please keep them in your prayers. Selfishly, I want her to be OK, there is so much more I can learn from this incredible lady. But, I will pray like Peggy says to, "whatever God wants."

It's started!!

Today, teachers reported to school to begin four days of inservice. I, having started part-time work as a personal trainer, am really wanting to train full time. It's hard to be motivated to be at school because I have found something I am truly passionate about: helping people develop healthy habits and even enjoy working out.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to leave teaching because of the kids, that's the only part of the job I like. They make me laugh; I enjoy getting to know them and watching them grow and change throughout the year. As much as I do love them, the job is just not where my passion lies. I told Andy I may try to partner up with the guy who works with the Young Life group at Franklin and get involved with the kids in a way I would enjoy more. Once the door to leave teaching is open, I fully plan to continue supporting the students, and the athletes, just in a different way.

Some days it is frustrating because I have finally found something that doesn't feel like work. Personal training is not only a way for me to interact with others one on one, but also challenges me to be consistent and disciplined in my own health. God has just not released me from teaching, plain and simple. Andy and I tried to work it out, but neither one of us had a peace about me resigning right now. I trust God will make the way, when it is the right time. I trust that He, even now, knows how it will all work and has already paved the way. (Shoot, He may return tomorrow, so all this doesn't even matter!)

I have been asked what will happen if God doesn't release me from teaching. Well, I will keep doing it because that would be more fruitful than stepping out of His will would be. My focus will be, as it always has been, the students I come into contact with rather than the riduculous bureaucracy that is public education, the spoiled parents who feel they can tell teachers how to do their jobs, and administrators who it seems are too far removed from remembering what it is like to be in a classroom. That's it, plain and simple. I am doing what I feel God is telling me to do at this point, so, I will do exactly what the sign in my sister's office says, "Put on my big girl panties" and do the job.

I have found a new love

About two weeks ago, Andy and I purchased a new lawn mower. I have just come in from using said mower for the first time. Oh praise the Lord praise the Lord, who supplied the finances that allowed us to buy this wonderful new lawn mower. It's shiny red frame, and functionality are wonderful! I didn't have to restart it at all during our time together, nor did it leave me with any blisters, not even a hint of one. Oh yes, I am in love. I promise to care for it, supply the oil and gas it needs, I will clean its blades, and will change its filter. That is what one does for love. And this my friends, is love.