Or, surely I am crazy. Who really knows? After much discussion with a coworker the other day, I have convinced her to train for the Music City Half Marathon with me. The event is at the end of April, so we'll have plenty of training time. I told her we'll start after the Christmas break. Why I do this to myself, I do not know. I was telling her about the Disney World marathon and all the "fun" I had doing that. Somehow, the conversation transformed into, "Let's do the music city half marathon." I'm thankful she didn't want to do the full, I would have had to call her an assortment of crazy names. Only the TRULY crazy would ever do a full marathon...oh wait...... So, Missy and I will begin training in January for this fun filled event. My friend Jen, a fabulous girl I met while we trained for Disney, is going to join in the training too. She'd rather to a full marathon I think, but I just refuse to do that.
Old friends revisited
I have just gotten back into contact with an old friend, I have known her since we were in 5th or 6th grade. We had lost touch for a long time, but thankfully, I have been corresponding with her brother and sister-in-law. Why it took me so long to ask how to get my friend's information is beyond me, guess I'm a little slow sometimes. It's good to reconnect with someone who has known me for so long. It's not like we hung out together day in and day out throughout our school years, but still, it's nice to have a connection to my past. (that sounded so odd) I look forward to talking to her again, and hopefully meeting her husband at some point, as well as the baby that will enter this world next month.
I wonder why it is I don't have much contact with many people from high school or college. Sadly, there are few I care to hear from. Still, it would be nice. All through school, the faces of my friends changed. One month I was hanging out with this group, the next month I was with another group. I loved knowing a lot of people, but I don't think I really connected with anyone during that time. I enjoyed myself, sure, but I hear people talking about all their best friends from high school or college they get together with, and I look at them with amazement.
However, I am blessed to have the "tight" friends I do (yes, Cre, Joanna, Heather, and Gwen, I'm talking about you). These girls know me to the core, and love me all the same. There are a few more, but the four mentioned have seen the UGLY sides of me, the hateful and cruel, and yet, they still love me. They love me enough to get up in my face and "be real" with me, to call me out on things I may be doing wrong. They love me enough to care whether or not I am spending time in the presence of the Lord. I love those kinds of friends, the ones who are not worried about hurting my feelings, but are more interested on whether or not I am walking the walk, not just talking the talk. I am so thankful, for them, and for the many others who have been placed in my life to keep me from swerving too far off the road of faith.
With that, if you are reading this, you have probably, in some way, impacted my life and blessed me. Without knowing, you have inspired me, encouraged me, and taught me. Thank you for allowing God to place you in the life of this crazy, messed up girl. I need you....and lots of you too! I am so thankful for you.
Nov 23, 2005
Nov 21, 2005
Gobble gobble
It's almost Thanksgiving. Do you know what what means? I will soon be on a break from school! Hooray. I only have to endure, and I do mean endure, two days this week. What a blessing. Andy and I are headed to Indiana to see my aunt, and we cannot wait. Thursday morning, I will inflict torture on myself by taking part in the "Habitrot," a 5k benefitting Habitat for Humanity. Why not start the day off with a run when I know I will be eating later on? Plus, it's for a good cause. Then, off to see the family.
I heard something inspiring at church yesterday (ok, I often hear inspiring things at church, but that's besides the point). A couple got up to speak about a ministry they are beginning that will focus on marriage and family. The wife told her own testimony of being a witness to her own parents constant fighting and eventual divorce. She then began to tell of how God has opened up doors for her and her husband to begin this minstry. When discussing the ministry she stated, "Only God can turn our pain into our platform and our misery into our ministry." I am not sure I heard much of the sermon after that because that one line kept running through my head. I LOVE THAT LINE! I'm sure she got it from someone else, and who knows where it originated, but it's a gem. A gem I say, a gem! The glory of God at its finest, that's what that statement said to me. I love how God can turn the impossible into the possible and create beautiful work out of mere scraps (ie: his people). To be able to see the world, myself, others as God sees it all. How amazing that would be. If only I had the eyes to see beyond the clouds and the dirt, beyond the junk, to see the beauty that lies within it all. That is what I would love to have the ability to do. I suppose this is where faith comes into play, to know that God is there, in the midst of every moment. Still, it's nice to know that God sees beyond what I can see, and that He is perfecting a very imperfect world and girl.
I heard something inspiring at church yesterday (ok, I often hear inspiring things at church, but that's besides the point). A couple got up to speak about a ministry they are beginning that will focus on marriage and family. The wife told her own testimony of being a witness to her own parents constant fighting and eventual divorce. She then began to tell of how God has opened up doors for her and her husband to begin this minstry. When discussing the ministry she stated, "Only God can turn our pain into our platform and our misery into our ministry." I am not sure I heard much of the sermon after that because that one line kept running through my head. I LOVE THAT LINE! I'm sure she got it from someone else, and who knows where it originated, but it's a gem. A gem I say, a gem! The glory of God at its finest, that's what that statement said to me. I love how God can turn the impossible into the possible and create beautiful work out of mere scraps (ie: his people). To be able to see the world, myself, others as God sees it all. How amazing that would be. If only I had the eyes to see beyond the clouds and the dirt, beyond the junk, to see the beauty that lies within it all. That is what I would love to have the ability to do. I suppose this is where faith comes into play, to know that God is there, in the midst of every moment. Still, it's nice to know that God sees beyond what I can see, and that He is perfecting a very imperfect world and girl.
Nov 16, 2005
Good-night moon
Kid's Corner
Have you ever read the children's book, "Good Night Moon"? I love children's books, they make my heart smile. In fact, I love kids, THEY make my heart smile. Every Sunday after church, I snatch my friend Emily, a lovely little baby, right from her momma's arms. It's become a bit of a ritual, and I'm quite cranky if I don't get proper Emily time each week. Thankfully, Tirsah, Emily's mom, is OK with this temporary baby snatching ritual (I think it's good she's a stay at home mom, she enjoys the freedom, if only for ten minutes or so---it works in my favor anyway). Speaking of Tirsah, she and her husband, Weston, are two of the coolest people I know. I have met few people who are as laid back and happy as they are. Hence, they have a happy, laid back little girl.
Back to the moon
Back to the title of this entry. The moon is HUGE tonight! I was driving home and almost stopped in the middle of the street because the moon seemed to be leaping out of the sky (the sky is falling, the sky is falling...note to self, go see "Chicken Little" soon!). I'm amazed by nature, almost as much as I'm amazed by babies. God is a good creator, the best artist I know.
Green: not your color (HA!)
To make most of you ill, I have finished my Christmas shopping. It took 30 minutes, as simple as that. I had an idea and went with it. No holiday stress here. My only stress comes from the fact I won't be home with my family until December 23rd. Andy and I are looking forward to it though. I need to make up some more fun, crazy dances to share with my niece. She enjoys doing them in public for people, much to her mother's dismay...boy do I love that!
Whoosh said the tornado
My cousin, Annette, and her family lost their house last week thanks to a tornado that swept through Indiana. Praise the Lord though, they are all fine and safe. Insurance is a pain (no surprise there) but my family is safe. Had it not been for a call from a relative, I do not believe I would be going to see her ALIVE next week. Praise the Lord for his intervention and supervision! Storms blew through here in TN last night, Andy and I got to nap in the closet (tornado warning) for about 45 minutes. Not my idea of a fun evening, but it was rather humorous.
Rambling??? Not me.
And with that, I am not sure much of what was said today was of any importance or relevance. Such is life, just wanted to sit and type I guess. Time to turn the heater up, it's supposed to get down into the teens tonight (come on snow days!!!). Blessings.
Have you ever read the children's book, "Good Night Moon"? I love children's books, they make my heart smile. In fact, I love kids, THEY make my heart smile. Every Sunday after church, I snatch my friend Emily, a lovely little baby, right from her momma's arms. It's become a bit of a ritual, and I'm quite cranky if I don't get proper Emily time each week. Thankfully, Tirsah, Emily's mom, is OK with this temporary baby snatching ritual (I think it's good she's a stay at home mom, she enjoys the freedom, if only for ten minutes or so---it works in my favor anyway). Speaking of Tirsah, she and her husband, Weston, are two of the coolest people I know. I have met few people who are as laid back and happy as they are. Hence, they have a happy, laid back little girl.
Back to the moon
Back to the title of this entry. The moon is HUGE tonight! I was driving home and almost stopped in the middle of the street because the moon seemed to be leaping out of the sky (the sky is falling, the sky is falling...note to self, go see "Chicken Little" soon!). I'm amazed by nature, almost as much as I'm amazed by babies. God is a good creator, the best artist I know.
Green: not your color (HA!)
To make most of you ill, I have finished my Christmas shopping. It took 30 minutes, as simple as that. I had an idea and went with it. No holiday stress here. My only stress comes from the fact I won't be home with my family until December 23rd. Andy and I are looking forward to it though. I need to make up some more fun, crazy dances to share with my niece. She enjoys doing them in public for people, much to her mother's dismay...boy do I love that!
Whoosh said the tornado
My cousin, Annette, and her family lost their house last week thanks to a tornado that swept through Indiana. Praise the Lord though, they are all fine and safe. Insurance is a pain (no surprise there) but my family is safe. Had it not been for a call from a relative, I do not believe I would be going to see her ALIVE next week. Praise the Lord for his intervention and supervision! Storms blew through here in TN last night, Andy and I got to nap in the closet (tornado warning) for about 45 minutes. Not my idea of a fun evening, but it was rather humorous.
Rambling??? Not me.
And with that, I am not sure much of what was said today was of any importance or relevance. Such is life, just wanted to sit and type I guess. Time to turn the heater up, it's supposed to get down into the teens tonight (come on snow days!!!). Blessings.
Nov 13, 2005
Angry Girl in the Hands of a Mighty God
Suicide
A sophomore at Franklin High School ended his life last week. I cannot fathom what his parents are now going through, nor the rest of his family. My heart aches for them, not only for the loss of their son, but for all the feelings that will overwhelm them. My grandfather took his life my senior year in high school, and I still get mad at him sometimes. As bad as things get in my life, I guess I just cannot see the point in giving up. Here is my theory: I did not create this life, so I have no right to take it. If I were the one who created everything and gave it life, maybe I would have the right to take it away. Since that is not that case, I will just kick and scream as much as I need to in order to survive. Pray for me as I try to help my students who will be dealing with this loss and trying to make sense of something absolutely senseless.
Death In General
So much for a happy topic today. The past few weeks have been a roller coaster for me. I have a new niece (coaster going up), I think often of my nephew who died (coaster going WAY down). And so it goes, the going up and the going down of my emotions. There are times I still rage against God for allowing it to happen, for not intervening when I think He should have, when I know he could have. Why my family? Why should they hurt like this? IT IS NOT FAIR! I have sought scriptures, prayed, yelled, screamed, cried, and seemed pretty delirious at times. But, nothing stops what has happened, nothing turns back the clock to erase anything. I have seen the hand of God working, healing, and restoring joy, but there are those times....Anyway, that led me to to 1 Chronicles 29:10-11, " David praised the Lord in the presence of the whole assmebly, saying, "Praise be to you, O Lord. God of our father Israel, from everlasting to everlasting. yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. yours, O Lord, is the kingdom: you are exalted as head over all." And there you have it, towards the end of the verse, "for everything in heaven and earth is yours". If everything in the earth is His, I do suppose that includes me. So here I am, an angry girl in the hands of a mighty God.
What to do with the anger? The answer in front of me...
As I have gone through this process of grieving and moving on, I have often expressed my anger (never one to be silent you know). I have gotten a wide range of responses too, my favorites being those basically telling me I have no faith. HA! I say, HA! I do have faith, but I am also human (mistakes and all), and since God has created me, he knows my innermost parts, and he knows when life will STING me. In our kitchen, Andy and I have a white board/bulletin board hanging on the wall by the phone. The following verse is one I wrote about two weeks ago, "Draw near to me and I will draw near to you." (James 4:8) There you have it, I just need to keep drawing near. You see, during these moments of hurt and anger, I retreat, run full throttle in the opposite direction of where I should be going, then turn and wonder where God is. (Even the slow learn I tell you) There is my answer, my solution, written in my kitchen, by my own hand, more than likely directed, by a mighty God. And so now, I have tried to change my perspective and my prayer. As I look down at the Bible in my lap, I like what Psalm 61:1-2 says, "Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I."
A sophomore at Franklin High School ended his life last week. I cannot fathom what his parents are now going through, nor the rest of his family. My heart aches for them, not only for the loss of their son, but for all the feelings that will overwhelm them. My grandfather took his life my senior year in high school, and I still get mad at him sometimes. As bad as things get in my life, I guess I just cannot see the point in giving up. Here is my theory: I did not create this life, so I have no right to take it. If I were the one who created everything and gave it life, maybe I would have the right to take it away. Since that is not that case, I will just kick and scream as much as I need to in order to survive. Pray for me as I try to help my students who will be dealing with this loss and trying to make sense of something absolutely senseless.
Death In General
So much for a happy topic today. The past few weeks have been a roller coaster for me. I have a new niece (coaster going up), I think often of my nephew who died (coaster going WAY down). And so it goes, the going up and the going down of my emotions. There are times I still rage against God for allowing it to happen, for not intervening when I think He should have, when I know he could have. Why my family? Why should they hurt like this? IT IS NOT FAIR! I have sought scriptures, prayed, yelled, screamed, cried, and seemed pretty delirious at times. But, nothing stops what has happened, nothing turns back the clock to erase anything. I have seen the hand of God working, healing, and restoring joy, but there are those times....Anyway, that led me to to 1 Chronicles 29:10-11, " David praised the Lord in the presence of the whole assmebly, saying, "Praise be to you, O Lord. God of our father Israel, from everlasting to everlasting. yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. yours, O Lord, is the kingdom: you are exalted as head over all." And there you have it, towards the end of the verse, "for everything in heaven and earth is yours". If everything in the earth is His, I do suppose that includes me. So here I am, an angry girl in the hands of a mighty God.
What to do with the anger? The answer in front of me...
As I have gone through this process of grieving and moving on, I have often expressed my anger (never one to be silent you know). I have gotten a wide range of responses too, my favorites being those basically telling me I have no faith. HA! I say, HA! I do have faith, but I am also human (mistakes and all), and since God has created me, he knows my innermost parts, and he knows when life will STING me. In our kitchen, Andy and I have a white board/bulletin board hanging on the wall by the phone. The following verse is one I wrote about two weeks ago, "Draw near to me and I will draw near to you." (James 4:8) There you have it, I just need to keep drawing near. You see, during these moments of hurt and anger, I retreat, run full throttle in the opposite direction of where I should be going, then turn and wonder where God is. (Even the slow learn I tell you) There is my answer, my solution, written in my kitchen, by my own hand, more than likely directed, by a mighty God. And so now, I have tried to change my perspective and my prayer. As I look down at the Bible in my lap, I like what Psalm 61:1-2 says, "Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I."
Nov 10, 2005
A big blessing in a small bundle, blessings in disguise, and the great discontent
Big blessings in a small bundle
I have a new niece! I am happy to report that Carsynn Abby Lawrence came into this world on Wednesday, November 2, 2005. Unfortunately, Andy and I will not be able to meet this bundle of joy until Christmas. From what her big sister, Cailey, tells me, we can keep her. I am thankful to her birth mother for choosing life for her child and allowing my sister and brother-in-law to adopt Carsynn. Praise the Lord, the giver of life!
Blessings in Disguise
A few weeks ago, Andy and I got together with a few friends for a time of fellowship and worship. It was simple: come together, listen to some beautiful music, and pray for one another. More than anything, it was nice to be still and quiet. In fact, I may have written about this in my first entry. That's just how good that night was. A few of the aforementioned (is that even a word, and if it is, did I spell it right??) friends are starting a "living room" ministry. As I get more information, I will pass it on. It is a blessing.
The Great Discontent
Lately, I have noticed a great feeling of discontent within myself. I am currently probing myself as to why. Is this just a mood that will pass, a spurring on by the Spirit to let me know there is something more I need to be doing, or my own lack of being able to see God's hand working in my life? I have yet to come to that answer. I do know the breakdowns I have been having need to come to an end, or at least a minimum (my poor husband). There is so much more I feel I could be doing in this life, more than just going into a classroom and sharing the joys of reading, writing, and speaking with sophomores. There is more than just being a part of a servant team at church, more, more, more. The problem lies in not knowing what that more consists of.
I do know that I used to write poetry and songs quite a bit, and have stopped in the last two years or so. (Joey, a blessing of a friend, recently lectured me about this and said to pick up a pen and write again because I was good at it...how sweet of him huh?) Sometimes it feels as if I have too much to say, and don't know how to get it all down, so I write nothing. In fact, I become so overwhelmed with what I could be doing, that I just sit, and do nothing. So there we have it, it's not discontentment, it's nothingness that is getting me. MOVE GIRL, MOVE! That is going to be my new motto. Why God finds joy in one such as me, I will never know, but I'm so thankful he does. Until next time....
I have a new niece! I am happy to report that Carsynn Abby Lawrence came into this world on Wednesday, November 2, 2005. Unfortunately, Andy and I will not be able to meet this bundle of joy until Christmas. From what her big sister, Cailey, tells me, we can keep her. I am thankful to her birth mother for choosing life for her child and allowing my sister and brother-in-law to adopt Carsynn. Praise the Lord, the giver of life!
Blessings in Disguise
A few weeks ago, Andy and I got together with a few friends for a time of fellowship and worship. It was simple: come together, listen to some beautiful music, and pray for one another. More than anything, it was nice to be still and quiet. In fact, I may have written about this in my first entry. That's just how good that night was. A few of the aforementioned (is that even a word, and if it is, did I spell it right??) friends are starting a "living room" ministry. As I get more information, I will pass it on. It is a blessing.
The Great Discontent
Lately, I have noticed a great feeling of discontent within myself. I am currently probing myself as to why. Is this just a mood that will pass, a spurring on by the Spirit to let me know there is something more I need to be doing, or my own lack of being able to see God's hand working in my life? I have yet to come to that answer. I do know the breakdowns I have been having need to come to an end, or at least a minimum (my poor husband). There is so much more I feel I could be doing in this life, more than just going into a classroom and sharing the joys of reading, writing, and speaking with sophomores. There is more than just being a part of a servant team at church, more, more, more. The problem lies in not knowing what that more consists of.
I do know that I used to write poetry and songs quite a bit, and have stopped in the last two years or so. (Joey, a blessing of a friend, recently lectured me about this and said to pick up a pen and write again because I was good at it...how sweet of him huh?) Sometimes it feels as if I have too much to say, and don't know how to get it all down, so I write nothing. In fact, I become so overwhelmed with what I could be doing, that I just sit, and do nothing. So there we have it, it's not discontentment, it's nothingness that is getting me. MOVE GIRL, MOVE! That is going to be my new motto. Why God finds joy in one such as me, I will never know, but I'm so thankful he does. Until next time....
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